we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
