she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
4 words: hood of his car
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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