one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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