I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
