who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
