If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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