She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
