I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
