Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
