your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
