Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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