a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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