Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
