This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
