I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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