rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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