Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
