At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
