trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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