He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
