Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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