high people should be assigned attendants
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
