I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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