There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
