I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
