Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
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i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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