Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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