can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
