I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
