Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize