maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
