used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
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Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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