dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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