Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
