12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
