I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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