Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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