my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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