It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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