where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
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girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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