I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
People in love make me want to vomit
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dignity is for republicans.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
