Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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