That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
