When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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