I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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