It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize