yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
