I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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