There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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