my text book just quoted the cookie monster
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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