She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
