I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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