i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
