So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
