We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
