Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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