if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
