chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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