dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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