She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
