so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
