Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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