You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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