Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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