barbara walters just said penis...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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