dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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