OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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