Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
