We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
